You know sometimes I get so discouraged by the human race and our ability to accept people for who they/we are. We develop a slew of ideas as soon as we meet new people. Assumptions in fact when who are we to assume anything? We think we are all that, people who are deserving of only the best, but I ask you what is the best? The best, looking at it honestly we can admit that the best has a tendency to change dramatically in time. What was once fresh and new like a shiny bike or your first Lite Brite it once held esteemed delight, yet soon we will tire of it. How sad is that? This world of adults so busy, to and fro, to and fro and our playfulness dwindles and we become so boring and serious! My best, my bliss begins with simply knowing I have a roof over my head, food in my cupboards, and above all that my has health and happiness. My biggest pet peeve is 'the judger, that person who just critiques everyone to a harsh degree.
I learned long ago that life is short, so spend it with people you love, (hopefully even like) and that is my key to life. Life, being short is a good reason why we should, on occasion, evaluate our current selves. Do we find time to enjoy our lives or do we spend time with vampires? What I mean is those time sucking, mind sucking, draining sloths of negativity! Sure that may sound harsh but no one ever said I didn't have the tendency to be colourful, lol. May your heart unfurl like a tea blossom or recoil like a frightened snake, in those moments do you remember why that reflection created an emotion, emoted an emotion so to speak? Take time to think, take time to slow down and reflect upon yourself, who you are and what you want, do you get it? Do you deserve it? What do you want? Certainly not to join the rank of the greater unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed world of haters, judgers, greed mongering corporate thinkers, certainly not.
Just acting hateful, just putting that energy into the world creates an armed combatant unleashed upon the soul. Think about it, whether you do it or not, think about how much energy goes into hating others and slamming everything, but yet it seems like some weird wave of the future. For my long time loyal readers aka mental lovers, you know, we had coffee and chatted about this before. It was because of love touching me that I would no longer find room for hate, I was as sarcastic as the next, but never particularly cruel, although if you mess with my kids you wouldn't know what hit ya! It took life to introduce me to love, loves I never had before and loves I would not soon replace.When I think of Edgar I reflect on one of those great lessons in my life and through and of him, I would learn to fall in love, with a gay man, not sexual love no, but like any friendship you can fall madly in love with people or even mildly in love with them too.
More than anything I remember what it felt like to be with him, so sweet so pure, free and simple. His heart was sweet, his voice playful, his friendship undeniable. But he didn't get to that level just for being present, he made marks on my heart, marks carved sweetly, from his actions. I call them marks because he was dying at the same time he marked my heart, scarred. So there I was fully healthy, he a mere 60 pounds, virtually coming to life for me,cooking for me with joy, two weeks from dying, he cooked for me, he painted for me, with very little health and joy, he created joy for me and he, simply from being.He also taught me about judgement, what this blog is about, My Edgar experience taught me indirectly, about the experience of hate surrounding his terminal illness. If we Fast forward I would learn my 'best' and what I deserve, from a different "friend," (one I knew back in the day when Edgar was still alive, an "old friend") that 'friend' would teach me about hate and judgement in a whole new way, and it wasn't very pleasant, as negativity and judgement never are. Want to be more beautiful? It's not plastic surgery or botox, it is kindness my friend, true kindness that separates you from them.
Note: This is part one, but I do have a snippet from the conclusion which I will release after I edit it further.
The thing is a friendship is not a battle, a friendship need not judge nor put another down for cruel fun, no a friendship is not these things. If I could tell you how to see it coming I would say, trust what you are feeling, trust your heart, and if you must try to decipher what someone is really saying, or try to ensure what their words really mean, let it go, walk away. You will understand a true friend, speak of some similar tongue, a primitive call, lol. When one speaks in judgement about others, how skinny, how fat, whatever, this person is speaks of you in the same way, and more than likely they will worry you talk of them as they talk of others. This is the judgement, the assumption of how they behave being played back upon you. It is a ruse, a manipulation, know when to walk away.
Part two, soon.
Photo: Ian Bryson, RIP, I love you, my son.
