Life Smack Down Turn Around

Sometimes in a life time life, smacks you down, you were not expecting it and then blammo! It happens to us all, none of us  immune to it, so you have to learn how to cope with it. It isn't always easy because sometimes you just know you did not deserve this one. You may begin to feel dismayed and even question, pondering why this had to happen to you... but you know what? That will not serve you my friend; all those doubts and questions filling up your head, the only thing that can assist you now is yourself and how you choose to act in the next situation.

I can only give you examples of things I have experienced as a reference point and how I chose to behave. The first time I felt really angry at life and smacked down by it was when my beloved Edgar contracted AIDS and died in 3 months later. I was beside myself with grief, anger sadness and even a bewildering happiness (happy he was dead so he was not in pain any more.) I was very lucky to have a job and a boss who was a humane human and supportive of what was happening with me, I could not have asked for a better boss, and you all know how impossible a good boss is hard to find.

During Edgar's sickness I would fly to Calif on weekends and spend time with him. Often I have gotten too much credit (in my opinion) for being their for Edgar, far too people few realize how lucky I was to have a friend who trusted me enough to be with him until his death. How sacred is that? Alas, I stray from my thoughts, forgive me. So, the night Edgar died I had to work, and although I loved my job at Grazie Italiano, I was dreading going in that night.

My sadness overwhelming, I had obligations and I went in. The choice to go in was only the beginning of how I would handle my path of grief and anger. The choice to go in was a good choice, the choice to go on, is always a good choice, and it was a little of both! That evening I remember working with a beautiful busser by the name of Rafael and he was so sweet, each time I would cry he would hug me, when I came out from behind the bus station he would have me look in his eyes and tell me to be strong.

 But the most amazing thing Rafael unknowingly created in me was hope. It happened when I was once again hiding in the back crying over Edgar's death, and well, Rafael came back to the bus station and he said "ah, Haday you need to come out here and met my new little nephew he is soo beautiful!" I knew I had to hold back the tears now and I wanted to see the new little baby!So, he walked me up into the atrium section and sitting at a corner table was a mom a dad and a baby, we walked over to them and Rafael said "HaDay I want you to meet the new baby, this is Edgar!

"I could not control my cry, a cry of grief, of joy and of joy again! It did solidify in me a new hope a new understanding, it was like all the cogs rolled on, life was simply an eternal ring of life, death, joy, sorrow,joy again! This beautiful sweet infant in front of me, with hands so tiny and sweet, little fingers reaching out to me,  they put Edgar in my arms, and I knew then; life is beautiful my friends in all of it's utter unpredictability, life is beautiful.