The moment I saw him everything moved in slow motion, he handed me his time card and I stared at it dumb founded, his gorgeous face entranced me, I was new at this job and I had never seen him before, so I clocked him in. After all, in this time and at this casino, I was 'the time keeper', 'the keeper of time! ' my new boyfriend pulled some strings and got me the new job. But my mind wandered, who was he, I wondered while I watched him walk upstairs to the casino. I knew he was a dealer and p/t pit boss by the clothes he wore...black and whites some nights and very nice suits other nights. My heart was beating out of my chest, did it matter I'd already had a boyfriend and he worked here too? Did it matter that both guys where card dealers in the same casino? It wasn't hard to convince myself that it wasn't that bad, after all I wasn't married or anything nor did I ever intend to be, I was still a teenager.
The next day at work, contained inside the time keeper's office, I discovered I was not alone after all, a giant bug was buzzing around wildly in the closed office space with me. Being a bug o' phobic, I flew out that door, somehow launching myself unwittingly into the arms of the very man I had been so preoccupied with, Vadim. The mysterious stranger was just walking down the bottom step to the front door when I catapulted myself into his perplexed arms. Reacting quickly, I soon enlisted him to do the deed, he appeared fearless as he went right up to the buzzing beast now hoovering below a flickering florescent; he placed his fist upright, smashing it in an upward blow brutally crushing it into the plastic light cover, my hero.Ah, what a hunk, I concluded as he scraped the bug residue from his hand.
Love is a funny thing often you won't even notice the gross parts anymore, it's all about the your focal point, bug be gone, hello stranger! Overwhelmed in his presence and trying to flirt with out looking like an ass, he started towards the door grabbing the door knob he turned around, looking straight into my eyes said "you know Jade, if you didn't have a boyfriend I would ask you out." Needless to say that same night I promptly went home and broke up with my French boyfriend stating I was too young to be tied down, I needed to be free. Usually, I might have been hesitant, guilty or sad to have to do this, but for now, my fascination with all things French appeared to be over.It seemed the man I was totally crushing on wanted me too! I was young and suddenly I felt beautiful: I had my choice in men, and no one man was going to hold me down or guilt me out, I had decided.
Ahh poor Michelle, he never had a chance, I was a mere 19 and he 40ish & little did he apparently know, I was young free and feeling beautiful for the very first time. Life was in my hands now, and after years in an abusive teen relationship, I now knew, I must be the one in control now, no man, woman or anybody would enslave me ever again. I was also aware that getting tied down at this age was a bad idea after all I successfully avoided a teen marriage already, I should remain single. I was finally free, living on my own, working two jobs as a time keeper and part time maid , I knew I had to pay my own bills and it might even take two jobs, after all at 19 I had a three year old son to consider first and foremost. Of course my sweet- Michelle wasn't too happy that I should break his very French heart!
He pined away for weeks, sending me cards and flowers, attempting to tame my wild heart, wooing me with his very 'French-like' narcissistic words of love. For two weeks he would secretly deliver roses and romantic cards whenever I would leave the office briefly retriving my green bar paper from the computer room or for bathroom break. Although the notion of card and flowers may sound romantic it can become quite tiresome in reality~ but still I just have to laugh in retrospect as his cards would read something like this: "My dearest darling Jade, your love for me is so deep, so undeniable~ you know your heart beats for me! Return my love for you know zat you cannot live without me; Remember, my love compels you!"Michelle's words having not affected me too much, being 19, owning the world, I moved on.
Continue:
Before I knew it Vadim and I had been together 3 years, it was a beautiful love and I don't deny it changed me in many great ways, for after years of being demeaned and degraded by an abusive teen relationship and being treated so poorly, all of my ugly feelings and my feelings of worthlessness seemed to be slowly shifting towards confidence! He entered my life, he treated me as an equal, he was a world class champion of chess with a very a high I.Q. and his treating me as an equal enhanced my morale greatly. Like Michelle, Val was also 20 years my senior and yet, none of that seemed to matter, he was good to me. He was by occupation a magician and also a bare back rider with a very famous circus, so he was ripped too!My family loved him because saw the sheer fact he took care of me nicely.
He was a man who came off very worldly, with a great intelligence and show stopping charm his charisma was unmistakable. Highly sociable he was skilled in the ways of showmanship and no one one could one up him, his magic was phenomenal and his gymnastic skills where still in tact. On our very first date we went to eat at a sea food place off the strip and I was completely mesmerized the whole time, by the end of our date he would do his entire magic act with 'nothing up his sleeves' because their where no sleeves! He was a man into some very interesting things from a world I was very interested in.Once when he took me to meet Siegfried and Roy and was kissed by the famous Roy (who was tragically was bitten by his own white tiger years later.)
He also took me to the private magicians club 'The Magic Castle' in Hollywood, I was only 20. Carded & absolutely humiliated; he tried to give the door guy a 200$ tip for their trouble but no, I was still underage and the door guy wouldn't budge. I felt horribly guilty since he drove 5 hours to get to L.A. but while I was almost crying from embarrassment he just gallantly took me to dinner at a posh Beverly Hills eatery the likes of which I'd never seen. Returning from the bathroom with an impeccably wrapped gift, making me feel like a real princess. For the next 3 years I was very happy with him, it was unique to me, we never argued, compatible minds we just agreed a lot.He had 2 young sons and that was wonderful, our boys would play together and soon my son came to call him dad, he taught me a lot about parenting, he seemed so wise beyond his years.
Then one day his circus' friends came to town, and although I had already met many of his circus peeps this was something different.This friend would lead to a catalyst of major upheaval, heart break and pain, fear and growth, that would shatter my heart, revealing to me the ugliness and hate of religions. Fast forward: 3 years into our relationship we now work together as food servers in Las Vegas lone vegetarian restaurant, he also had two other full time jobs, dealing cards doing construction work, and I was happy in my new career waiting tables. And lucky for me he was a hard worker.
His friends where former circus performers and current gymnastic trainers, they where in their mid- 30s to 40s and they seemed nice enough.Right off the bat the husband proclaimed: "Move up to Seattle with us!" and I clearly recall words just falling out of my mouth "Oh, hell, are you serious?!" I said to him stunned, he cleared his throat disapprovingly asking me to "please do not swear, we are Jehovah's Witnesses." Val, a man into the metaphysical and the extra- phenomenal could not be tied down, so he piped in: ' if we where to move to Seattle, can you promise me one thing, you will not try to convert us? Because you should know, that just won't happen here,"
Famous last words....
(Part two Sunday June 10th)
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