Do Not Judge Yourself By A Standard Which Is Not Your Own!

In today's current state of affairs it is all to often that I find daily adult life reflecting that of grade school high school and the such. Perhaps I am being sensitive, or not, it just seems that their is a lot of finger pointing and mean behavior constantly being strewn about.You can see it in politics in its heightened anger, intolerance and as I have shared with you before, what I call hate disguised as fear.The sad part is that although this hate, which really breaks down to as fear, and is truly a derivative of misinformation and a narrow minded view cannot be changed with out a lot of hard work and desire to do such. 

This is hard for me to grasp because I never want to pretend I know everything for if I did or anyone did than what would be next? Life would lose its mystery and one would never bend in the wind, enjoyingits gentle caress or appreciating its fierce winds of warning. I want to feel the wind, breathe it in, let it blow my hair- fill my lungs, I want to always learn and keep that capacity open, not pretending my way is the best or her way is the worse but instead appreciating that we are all different and have something to learn from one another.

Everyone seems so stuck in there ways right now that there is no room for understanding and empathy, understanding that we all have different stories to learn from and share and that although these stories may not be even something you could relate to, that this is the richness and joy in life- taking time out to see what move's and motivates others and even caring why that might be.When I started volunteering with people living with A.I.D.S and getting into hospice I noticed that people sometimes seemed to get a certain almost pleasure out of making me feel as if I was crazy for choosing to do this.I get an enormous amount of pleasure from the various people I come into contact with, there families and friends.




If you read my previous blogs about my dear Edgar than you know getting into doing emotional support for people who are dying ( as we all are) was not something I just jumped right into.After Edgar had died at such a young age and grieving heavily for 2 years, I found the key to helping resolve my grief was in opening my head and heart to those that I would grieve sooner than I would have liked. Many in my inner circle questioned my thoughts and believed I was making a mistake. I would ask now that if you care about someone to have faith in that person and the choice's they make- particularly if they seem difficult.

If these choice's hurt no one but you worry they could hurt that person have the faith in them that they will be able to make the right choices, and if they fall than be a soft fluffy pillow on which they can land. So many times a person is faced with making life changing decisions that can truly benefit them yet they are met with consternation. The choice's can be a enough of a heavy load but on top of that to be forewarned by someone who perhaps does not even have the knowledge of them many times causes more weight tow than needed.

When going through courses in death and dying and A.I.D.S 101 I was in a big class with others, during one of these classes the teacher was explaining to us about the physical conditions that our future clients may be enduring and that we should all be aware of this if we were to continue and really be able to actively help our clients. She explained that many clients would be very thin, have dementia and have Kaposi- sarcoma visible on them, that touching was very important and of course knowing safety protocol.

I remember saying to the class that when I went to see Edgar the first time since being diagnosed I had a fear of my mouth dropping open with out realization. Yet when I did see him nothing like that happened, he was beautiful like always and love was replaced by any fear, but quickly one of my fellow students spoke up loudly and with great venom as she stated that she was fat and if anyone ever said that to her she would know they where placating the 'fat girl'.

That was my first taste of pre- projected readiness to find the worst in something know matter how pure and true the intent was. I was surprised and felt very attacked as she went on about this for several minutes to the class. I had to take a step back, realizing she was only being authentic to how she felt. It was not easy as part of me wanted to defend my feelings and how I was the one who experienced this and it was real, at the same time I came to realise we each had our own things to bring to the table and that her feelings where no less valid than mine.

I guess that is what i want to really come across here, that we each have complex and various things going on at all times and if we can appreciate that in ourselves perhaps it is time to take that into consideration when speaking, reacting and responding. Have you ever seen the movie Short Cuts? If not their is one scene in it that truly hits on what I am trying to say. In one scene you see a mother going to buy her son a birthday cake while he is off to school. She orders it from the baker. The baker is a very serious guy and takes the order and prepares himself with all the details he needs to know. Meanwhile the boy is walking to school and he gets hit by a car.

He is able to stand up and is conscious, the driver gets out and she wants to take him to the hospital. The boy says no,his mother does not want him to talk to strangers, he has to go. Boy feels hurt and tired, goes home. Mother is out most of the day than comes home to find her son home early. He explains he was hit by a car she freaks out calls the husband. Okay, one thing leads to the other the boy winds up in a hospital. All the meanwhile its the next day and its Casey's birthday and that baker he wants his money for the cake. He calls and calls leaving harassing messages on their answering machine non stop. 

Back at the hospital Casey ends up dying, parents come home grieving tremendously, so very sad he died even more so on his birthday. The parents end up listening to their answering machine to hear a multitude of nasty calls from the baker about their ungracious behavior and how now it was all to late they blew it and alas the mighty Casey just struck out. Not knowingly the baker was all to sickeningly right, would he have said that if he knew?

 So many things we have all said not knowing the full story, so many times know one would ever tell you what they are going through. So just imagine if you will as is true, you do not know what another may be going through, and with that refrain from sarcasm and cruel retort.Many song writers, prophets poets and sages have all shaped my ways of thinking as did this story. It made me really think of all the hateful, spiteful and cruel words we so easily tend to spit out without a thought. A thought for what may be going on for our fellow humans as we rush around trying to accomplish our daily tasks the way we see fit.

As you look around today tomorrow and in our future and past try to be cognoscente that verily you are not the only creature walking this earth with only the goals you need to accomplish. Imagine when someone say calls in to work they really are sick, perhaps sicker than you may know.That when someone has to cancel out on something or is late for something or perhaps takes a little longer to learn something than you may like that indeed their may be a reason for this. 

And if that person never tells you the story of what that may be that's okay, just remember we are each different and are trying to cope with this craziness called life in our own ways the best we can. Like John Lennon said , give peace a chance. Self serenity and thankfulness that we have another day and other ways to continue on this path to humanity.Remember who you are and do not crave to play with those fundamentally different from you, if you give in to the idea to be like other people you too could turn into a heart as cold as stone.

And for those of you have experienced this type of thoughtless behavior targeted at you remember this, do not judge yourself by a standard that is not your own, honor your own lost magnificence and by doing so you will restore it. Let your inside reflect on your outside, if it is not what you would like to see than know that you have the power to change it.