Never Black or White

I try to remember not to fall into the pattern of behavior that is automatic and habitual, remembering how different we all are, trying to remember to be me. The me I have become not necessarily based out of life's experiences and what was taught to me. For although life's experiences teaches us lessons it also can teach us intolerance, hatred and steadfast beliefs now outdated based in what our parents and teachers as well as our environment , for better or for worse. The majority of children naturally develop the first belief system as mirrored by their parents, adolescence happens and healthy rebellion usually takes place, with that an almost certainty to go against the parents no matter how good intentioned or well balanced the lessons. For example my mom was a amongst many things a cop- say no more- I was a handful. Whether running away , shop lifting or hijacking my best girlfriends parents truck and driving to know where it happened. It was not as simple as to defy my mom, two sides, remember? The most amazing part is when you see the two conjoin as one. I stole because I was hungry, my mom an avid gambler- food was not the focal point. I suppose I should say that is not a justification, but honestly I can't or won't. One could assume "that girl is trouble, a real punk kid" many a parent I am sure did feel that way, not letting their kids hang around me believing I would steal from them. I would not nor did not ever steal from people. Whereas on the other hand they could rest assured that their child did not get busted for petty shoplifting and alas they raised them right, all the while never knowing their kids stole from their friends for kicks. So, who is right and who is wrong? When they become adults, responsible for themselves would they continue to steal out of pleasure or confidence in the abilities learned or realize that need outdated and not necessary for survival?Working with people with mental disorders is already teaching and refreshing my ideas a great deal. For example I learned that a characteristic of a borderline personality is seeing things as black and white only. I myself have displayed this trait many times until one day grasping and learning how unrealistic and narrow it is, so limiting and limiting you. The difference seems simple yet insurmountable. You cannot change the way they think- although reasonably I know it has happened. Than again it could have been a misdiagnosis derived from environment and experiences the shrink may either not know or did not grasp. All is fallible. Schizophrenia and schizo affective disorder is all together different, characteristics of this are delusion, hallucinations, voices in your head controlling you as well as extreme paranoia and jumbled disorganized speech patterns. If I where to flip the coin ( and this is always possible) Perhaps someone could be experiencing a divine intervention, talking to god- communications we are not ready to fathom. However this glamorous possibility is not a realistic scenario. The schizophrenic commonly feels CIA FBI or other abbreviations are following them, bugging them, filming them perhaps growing inside of them, inescapable. Can you imagine all through history and currently the judgments and misconceptions that have been placed on them? You are possessed, a demon- hand in hand with the devil, belittled, demonized and treated cruelly usually in the form of religious zealotry, perhaps even you dear reader. How long will this world choose to judge, see in black and white, never desiring to look deeper- convinced their way is correct? Sadly it seems as long as the world keeps revolving- some things will never change as long as people continue to spew and breed racism, hate, and cruelty in the name of god. To change the world would take a Herculean paradigm shift. The blessing, astounding and beautiful is we have the power to begin to change ourselves, the human animal. We are amazing and tragic. We can choose. It is a power to not be corrupted any longer, it is inherent, within all of us.The paradigm shift begins with tolerance, empathy and understanding of that which we do not and cannot begin to understand.